I went sentosa today with my family, and I was in absolutely no mood to do anything at all because the weather was sub-human. And that makes me think about those people in India who are weathering temperatures of 44 degrees celsius. I have absolutely no inkling how they tolerate that kind of heat. I was really happy when I finally reached home.

Now I’m watching TV, and I think many advertisements are really pathetic and redundant. The worst adverts have to belong to those japanese advertisements, followed quickly by a whole list of Asian-based advertisements, especially Chinese. I get genuinely irritated when they try to paint a fairytale of how an injury or sprain or something is cured by some medication they are trying to promote, because it is so fucking easy to fake and it is so obviously an artificial scenario that they made absolutely no attempt to try to make it look like a real account. I think the best advertisements are either those who make it really simple and short.

I like all M1 advertisements (:

I was juts thinking - since I liked beautiful things, if I could just change the color of things around me, what would I want them to be? And here’s a list of what I just thought of impromptu within the first 30 seconds.

I want the sky to be orange. In a sort of hue that mirrors the most spectacular sunset you’ll see in your life.

I want the sea to be silver. The kind of more opaque silver where it glistens even in the dark.

I want trees to be lime green / yellow-ish green. The color of which you see at times in nice autumns or springs.

I want the ground to be black. A black so dark that it stares back when you look at it.

I want people to have a skin color of blue, a shiny blue that can hide the blemishes, freckles and stuff.

I want houses to be gold in color, because that has been my impression of utopia since I was a little kid. Not necessarily made of gold; juts gold in color.

And now that i’m done, I realize how boring this world is. All the colors seem to be around..except maybe we need to rearrange them. I’d love to (:

I wish Singapore had northern lights or southern lights or something. I wish Singapore had something really spectacular in its natural beauty for me to marvel at and revel in. I realize that’s what I’m really missing having stayed here for my entire life thus far. I think it’s awesome how those people living in those little cottages can wake up to smell air that has been sort of enchanted with nature, and how they can sleep to the sound of cicadas and amidst a cooling surrounding created naturally and not via the ugly airconditioners that have blemished the alabaster walls of our urban living compounds.

Sometimes nature really speaks back at you if you listen.

When I went into army, suddenly cleanliness meant much less, after having to sit on mud, wear the same clothes at times for more than a day, share utensils and whatever. Whenever I booked out, I saw nothing really wrong with sitting on the ground in public places (now i am pretty much averse to that). Now that I’ve been out for a year from the army (exactly in fact), I’ve realize that army changed me, but not forever. I’m back to my pro-clean ways, and restored the kinda subconscious practices that I’ve had since I was a kid. For example, when opening doors to toilets, especially those where they’ve got this vertical bar to grip on so you can push / pull the door open, I’ll hold the upper part of the bar because 1) the middle part is where most people hold it 2) the lower part is where most kids hold it. Yeah I’m weird, but whatever really.

I had a dream two nights ago that time went backwards. All of a sudden, we were still leading our daily lives, but each day, after each rest, we grew one day younger. And now people were afraid of growing young. It was frightening yet oddly surreal, especially when this kid was telling me how scared he was of not being able to talk / think and the next day (time sorta flies in dreams)  he was in this cot with diapers and all.

When I was in my younger days, I always told myself that I wanted to make an effort to create what I would call a Fairytale Dream, where I’d just pen down all the dreams I can remember that I actually had - the good and the bad. But then I tend to froget my dreams by aftenroon, and I’m never in th emood to do any writing/thinking early in the morning so the idea sort of died out after a while. Now I sorta regret it but. Oh well.

I’ve watched many sci-fi shows, read a few sci-fi books, had my own imaginations and whatever, and I’ve come to realize that it’s pretty ridiculous how all the imaginary creatures / aliens / monsters that we create all seem to share the same features as us. And I’m not referring just to the eyes / mouth / limbs whatever, but even to the most basic things like - the need to eat, the hunger to kill, the usage of some form of sound / light to communicate with each other. And it has struck me that while peopel can say how imaginative some of these stuff are, isn’t it actually really limited?

I’ve had dreams where creatures invading us didn’t kill or attack us. They sorta came and lived with us. In other words, I can’t even use the word invade in such a friendly context. And if you juts glance through the entire sci-fi archive, there are only so many examples where aliens come in and live in peace with us. And I believe that it is partly due to this that we’ve always believed that any notion or suggestion of a foreign being from outer space immediately implies danger. We’ve crafted in ourselves a belief that anything foreign is dangerous - and I myself am guilty of it - but sometimes I think we should take a step back or two, being wary but not paranoid (it’s gonna be hard for me), and maybe we might appreciate things we would otherwise have missed.

I was at the night safari a few nights ago with my cousins, and it wasn’t exactly impressive at all, and the entire place stank of otters. Cute as they are, otters are easily among the smelliest of creatures in the wild. I’ve no idea what they do all day, but as far as my guess goes, they’ve got to either have a perpetual desire to shit or a natural stink that never goes away even after you bathe them. And there were exhibits where I strained my 6/5 eyes and still saw nothing. The bat enclosure was probably the most entertaining of all, because u actually walk among them and if ure unlucky they may fly straight into your face. And, as usual, ‘the more fun/cute things stink. Bats stink. Fruit bats.

And at this point, I realize that about half of my holidays have flown right past without me even noticing much. I recall this calvin and hobbes quote that I thought was really really witty:

Calvin: I wonder why we think faster than we speak.

Hobbes: Probably so we can think twice.

So witty!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1194635/Plants-talk-to-warn-dangerous-predators-claims-scientist.html

So I might be right after all. If what’s said is true, each time I walk past a plant now I’ll be wary of my actions. Imagine if one day plants could talk. We might just be able to identify the culprit of virtually every single crime around the world. That being said, being a plant might be fun - well of course you can’t run if some guy with an axe comes along, but think about the times you’d have had. I think if plants were really that sophisticated creatures, they might have the deepest feelings of friendship and love that we have never experienced as humans before - especially those plants in nature. They’d be there all their life - living with the same few ol’mates around them. This is something I’d wish for in fact, but it’s quite hard to stick to a bunch of friends all my life. It’s not boring - I think it’s beautiful when someone comes up to me, introduces another person and says - “I’ve known him/her since I was a really young kid.” - because I know that there is something between them that is built on the basis of time rather than occasion.

Every time I go out people tell me I look so sian. Not just those wiht my friends, but even those with my family and my relatives. And I feel bad because I think my perpetual expressionless face sorta kills the happy mood at times, but I can’t help it. It’s not that I feel that bored - it’s just that that’s my natural facial expression, and the fact that I’m finding less and less interest in the things around me means that I’m pretty much quiet even in social occasions, and I can’t help it.

I have this growing tendency to look at inanimate objects / non-living things like tables and chairs and stuff and imagining that they’re actually living beings looking straight at me as I go about my daily life. It’s sorta like a nagging influence from reading too much C&H, and I get this feeling that if people sorta spy on me at home, they’d honestly think I’m some huge weirdo. Haha.

Just yesterday I was at church in the morning and the priest was talking about how we should all honour fathers in light of father’s day, and how a father’s love is totally different from a mother’s love -  how some prisoners were given a choice to do something for their parents on mothers and fathers day respectively and how the response was overwhelming for the former and dismal for the latter. I take these sort of things personally because of my own personal family issues, and as far as I’m concerned, much as I am a guy myself, I’d say a mother’s love is by far greater than a father’s. There is truth behind what is known as maternal instincts, whereas little is heard of when it comes to paternal instincts.

But that being said, I do love both my parents. Definitely.

Maybe it’s just me, but time seems to go faster and faster as I grow older. And I’m not talking about the i-meet-you-once-in-a-while-oh-wow-you’ve-grown-so-much-time-really-flies sorta macro aspect of the supposed fourth dimension, but the regular passing of the hours and the minutes. When I was young, school seemed like forever, and even in kindergarten, after the entire dreary ordeal of academics, I end up out of school staring at the noon sun and telling myself how slow time goes and how great it in fact was that I had half the day to play with. And after an entire day of playing, I’ll be all tired and woozy and I’ll go to bed and I see the clock and go hey amigo it’s only 9pm! Where did I get all that time from?

Now, even when i hvae absolutely NOTHING to do, I can stare at nothing for a while, look at the clock and realize wow that’s half an hour gone. Even when I’m studying, I read a page of two and I see the clock and I go wow that’s 15 minutes for 2 pages - where did all that time go? I’ll be playing a random flash game online, and after a round or two I realize an hour’s gone and I get guilty and all for wasting time.

But here comes the problem, and in fact I’ve told this to people - life is a waste of time. We can keep on convincing ourselves that there is a greater good towards which we are working towards - but in the greater scheme of existence, matter and nothingness, you can’t deny the fact that even the most abstract of faiths and superstitions will be sucked into this void where not even question marks exist, let alone periods. We always say - we live to do great things for mankind, but who really cares about mankind?

Yeah we’re the most intelligent beings we have come to know, but that in itself makes no sense. The dumbest and most inexperienced of persons would regard themselves as the smartest and most advanced of all species, and I’m getting this horrifying instinct that that’s exactly what’s happening to us. We may become a victim of our own complacency, and I’ve got this dream recently where we become subjugated by a new species that speak a completely different language from us, and who do not understand what we’re saying. And gradually, like a fire-and-brimstone kind of thing, we descend down and down the food chain, and the cycle repeats itself.

It’s a futile attempt to explain how glorious our actions are, because everything will eventually come to an end. Now that’s something we probably will not experience, but that does not mean we should distance ourselves from this reality that we can never escape from. “Thank you for giving me the chance to live and experience the fullness of life” - I’ve heard this many times in eulogies, in religious prayers etc etc, but I’v egot a friend who told me that given the opportunity to -choose-, he would never have wanted to be born at all. And I can’t blame him for that - I’d rather not feel / know / experience anything at all, rather than waste my time feeling both happy and sad at the same time.

Ignorance is bliss.

I’m listening to Dream by priscilla ahn now and it’s really really beautiful. Thanks whoever sent that to me (:. I was at the zoo today with my cousins, then we went causeway point where they just played arcade then had dinner and it was late as hell by then but my little cousin wanted to go bowling and so his parents said no anyway so we went home. The zoo’s pretty much unchanged since I last visited it YEARS ago, except a bit of here and there like the statue of ahmeng where ahmeng supposedly was buried or something. And the food’s way more shit and more expensive than what it used to be years ago.

But that’s besides the point. I enjoy being with my cousins at times because they are so so hilarious, especially the young one. He’s just primary 5, but the things he says and does is just ridiculously shameless/retarded/ballsofsteel.

Before each meal, my little cousin will say a prayer if it contains meat. Just today he was eating a meal and there was chicken, so he paused, and in the most solemn of voices you’d ever have heard, he said “I’m very sorry for eating you chicken, but I didn’t kill you. I only eat you becase you’re dead already so that your body is not wasted. Please forgive me.”

At the cheetah’s enclosure today, there were 2 cheetahs sorta lying down on their backs, with one in a sorta indecent pose. And there was a huge crowd around, but that really didn’t faze my little cousin either. He went crazy when he entered and was like shouting “omg omg HAHA look at it’s 2 balls! it has 2 balls like me! HAHAHA ITS LICKING THEM. I WONDER IF IT WILL LICK MINE!” Obviously everyone was staring at him, and my aunt / his mom was really flustered and embarassed and carried him away.

And of course there was this statue of a monkey with its boobs sorta pretty prominent. So he went up and pointed at them and was like “Look! Thats a nipple!” and started laughing nonstop. Then he started grabbing his own chest and was like “do you know men have breasts too? it’s called chest, and so you can’t say I don’t have breasts ok?” I have no idea which part of that was funny, but he started laughing like he’d heard the funniest shit ever. And not as if any guy wants to hear others say he has boobs.

And in the morning in the prata shop, when we were having breakfast, he suddenly said really loudly “omg this place is full of black people HAHAHA” and my mom was liek “hey! how can you say such things?” then he pointed at me and was like “gorgor teach me wan.” I’m not gonna teach him anything anymore.

Of course there’s my other cousin, who saw this smooth nice medium-sized rock in the lion enclosure just beside the lioness, and she was like “wow look! got lion egg”.

Man. How can you not love my cousins? I really want siblings. ): What a great day actually. On hindsight.

I’ve Learned 
by Omer B. Washington

---

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is be someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them.
I’ve learned that no matter how much I care,
some people just don’t care back.
I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust
and only seconds to destroy it.
I’ve learned that it’s not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts.
I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you’d better know something. 

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself
to the best others can do,
but to the best you can do.
I’ve learned that it’s not what happens to people,
It’s what they do about it.
I’ve learned that no matter how thin you slide it, 
there are always two sides.
I’ve learned that you should always have loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you’ll see them.
I’ve learned that you can keep going 
long after you think you can’t. 

I’ve learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done
When it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.
I’ve learned that there are people who love you dearly,
but just don’t know how to show it.
I’ve learned that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.
I’ve learned that true friendship continues to grow even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.
I’ve learned that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to
doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have. 

I’ve learned that no matter how good a friend is,
they’re going to hurt you every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.
I’ve learned that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken,
the world doesn’t stop for your grief.
I’ve learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.
I’ve learned that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other.
And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do. 

I’ve learned that sometimes you have to put the individual
ahead of their actions.
I’ve learned that two people can look at the exact same thing
and see something totally different.
I’ve learned that no matter the consequences,
those who are honest with themselves go farther in life.
I’ve learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours
by people who don’t even know you.
I’ve learned that even when you think you have no more to give,
when a friend cries out to you,
you will find the strength to help. 

I’ve learned that writing,
as well as talking,
can ease emotional pains.
I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life
are taken from you too soon.
I’ve learned that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice
and not hurting people’s feelings and standing up for what you believe.
I’ve learned to love
and be loved.
I’ve learned…